Retribution
by a moment's memories
Summary: When Joku's mother is killed, she seeks bloody revenge. But what will happen when she falls in love with the very person she sets out to destroy? Will she follow through with her retribution, or side with her possible victim? DeidaraXOC M for violence
1. Chapter 1

Kan sighed tiredly, leaning against a tree for support, clutching her side-stitch. I paused, laughing at her, and collapsed in the grass. My feet and legs were pointing skyward, suspended in the air as I kicked childishly at the sky. Kan laughed gently, flinching in pain as she did so.

I smiled, closing my eyes and allowing my feet to slump to the ground with a thump. My bangs caressed my face, my short hair was blowing everywhere and it tickled my closed eyelids gently. I sneezed as the dust picked up. It blew around me and then settled down. I mouthed the words to a song stuck in my head, as they often were. Wow, I'm pathetic.

"Kan?"

"Hn?" That's definitely her trademark reply. She almost always says it when I wanna ask her something. She's just that way I guess.

"Let's go get some dango." Dango was my second favorite food. Everyone knew that. Because ice cream was my favorite.

"Why?" she asked. She asks a lot of things. But usually why is her favorite question. I don't know why she's never really happy with the answers but that's not my problem.

"Because I'm hungry!" I whined. She says I whine a lot, but I don't think I do. Maybe it's just because she's the way she is. Well, not like I can do anything about that, now can I?

She snorted. "You're always hungry, Jojo."

"Nuh-uh. Only when my tummy needs food!" Haha, tummy, that's a silly word. I like silly things. Like kangaroos. Seriously, who would think it's really a rodent when it's so big. They're kinda like horses only they hop on two legs and they have weird pouches. I once heard that koala's had pouches like those too. My mom says our cat has a pouch. But it's a boy. Then again . . . he is really fat, so that might be why she says he has a pouch. It's still weird, no matter what way you look at it. They're like built-in pockets, only on your skin.

" . . ." She didn't say anything. I hate it when she doesn't say anything.

"Well?" I demanded.

"What?" she asked. That's another one of her favorite things to ask. She doesn't pay attention to much of anything

"Say something!" I hate it when she tries to avoid the subject. It bugs me. But I kinda like bugs. The animals, not like the virus. Then again I guess you could say a virus is an animal too, but it really isn't. It doesn't really live the way animals or people do.

"I just did. . ."

So, we were off to the dango stands for the fourth time that hour when suddenly. . .

"Kan?" I asked. I usually don't ask her things. I usually command her because she never listens when I ask her questions. It's really annoying. My brother says I'm annoying, but what does he know, he's just a little kid. I'm almost fourteen and he's . . . well I forget how old he is but-

"What is it this time, Joku?" She was annoyed. She was seriously annoyed. Man, why did this always happen to me? j

"I'm not hungry."

"Yes you are," she stated. Gosh, she always thinks she's me or something. Because she always answers from what she thinks is my perspective when it really isn't. she's really bad at being me. But then again, she does know me really well. I love food. There's almost no better thing than eating. I'd really like some ice cream about now, but I'm not hungry. Actually, I might be, but I'm not so sure.

"No I'm not!"

"Fine, whatever, let's go train again. You still need to work on your genjutsu and we don't have that much time til I have to leave on my mission."

It was four, I think. She had to leave at seven to go guard some dumbass who got caught by the ANBU when he was trying to escape the village, the idiot was sixteen. Oh yeah, we live in Iwagakure, but, like, I'm actually from Suna, cuz it was, like, where I was born and shit. Yupperz, almost fourteen years ago now, pretty awesome shit, ne? I didn't like living in Suna. It was too hot. And I don't like hot. I never had ice cream there. And ice cream is one of the blessings of the earth. So I like Iwa better, because ice cream doesn't melt in like seven minutes. Especially cuz in Suna we didn't have a fridge or freezer. We had to buy food from stands whenever we were hungry. Sometimes we didn't eat for days because we couldn't afford it. So now I take advantage of food. It's yummy.

"Nah, it's hot as hell. Let's go back to my place and chill, I'm exhausted." It was August 3rd and there was yet another drought in Iwa. Figures. I wanted something to drink, but we had to conserve water. Which meant no shower. Ewww. Oh! I should go swimming in a pond. That would be fun. But then I would smell bad. Eh, oh well, I was just training anyway, I'm sure I smell bad already.

"No, that's alright. I need to get ready, so I guess I should go home anyway. You can come and hang out for a while. but my mom will be home in an hour and you know how she feels about you being around the kitchen. Especially when you tried to make that turkey that one night. You know, when you left the feathers and everything on and it exploded in the oven."

"Yeah, I know, seeing as no one let's me forget. . ." I groaned. They just couldn't forgive me could they? "I guess I should pick up Hokori anyway, he trains way too long, it's not healthy . . . or normal. Especially when he's only five, he thinks he's so big since he started going to the academy."

"Since when has anyone in your family been normal?"

"I don't know. A long time ago I guess."

"It was a rhetorical question." Guh, she treats me like a little kid and I'm only a few months younger than her.

" . . . Right." What the hell did rhetorical mean anyway?

"It means you weren't supposed to answer it."

Sometimes I could swear she reads minds. Damn. That's awesome.

"Why don't you come to my house and help me get my things together?" Kan suggested when I didn't say anything. I shrugged, smiling.

"Sure, why not? I wonder what I could blow up this time. . ."

"My mom put a lock on the microwave and you can't open the oven unless you have a password."

"What about the stove?"

"It doesn't work. Don't you remember when you tried to make peanut butter on it and you-"

"Yeah, I remember now . . . thanks. . ." I said, cutting her off mid-sentence. She laughed, grabbed my elbow and pulled me towards her house.

We kicked the dust and threw rocks at stray cats, well, I threw rocks at stray cats, as we continued on our way towards Kan's house. We talked about everything, anything, we kept ourselves busy with inside jokes and our stupidity. It was pretty much uneventful until we got to the heart of Iwagakure. Hell had broken loose.

There were dead bodies in the street and blood was strewn over buildings, it pooled in the streets. The ANBU were everywhere, homes and companies were on fire. Screams and smoke filled the air. I stared at the chaos that lay there, in my village. I could feel my heart about to burst. What happened to Iwagakure? Who in hell's name did this?

Then I saw something that I wouldn't forget as long as I lived. My mother was an ANBU, and she was the only guardian I had. She was standing in the middle of the street, parallel a boy. The boy Kan should be guarding at seven tonight. How did he escape? Its nearly impossible. I remember once I got into this fight in the academy and I beat the kid up so bad they kept me in there until my mom came to pick me. There were all sorts of locks. It was so boring. Fluorescent lights, whites tiles, white walls, white ceiling. Nothing interesting. Although I found a whale on the ceiling. Yup, it was part of the plaster. When I asked the guard if he saw it too he thought I was crazy. I don't know. I might be crazy, I'm not so sure. I'm not sure of many things. Like if the sky is blue. What it someone was color blind and blue to them was green. What if I'm colorblind? Wow that's scary. But anyway, I think the sky is blue, blue to me anyway. Like the blue between purple and green on the color wheel. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. So anyway, I'm not sure of much. But there's one thing I am sure of, it's that I'm not sure of anything. Well, seeing as I just contradicted myself once again I'm going to continue with my life and stop thinking random thoughts . . . for now anyway.

"Joku?" Kan tugged on the back of my shirt, which was sticking to my back, slick with sweat. I took off running, into the fight, towards my mother. Something was wrapped around her, she was talking to the boy, who was only a few feet from her, a smirk on his face.

"Mom!" I screamed. The boy turned his head towards me, raising his eyebrows.

She looked at me. "Joku, go! Go away!" she cried, tears ran down her cheeks and landed on the clay centipede that was wrapped around her. Why weren't the ANBU doing anything? They just stayed back, they were . . . scared. But why? It was just a boy, right? What's Mom so scared of? Should I be scared too? Nah, it's just some kid who has a knot in his knickers. Haha, knickers. I like that word. I think I'll use it from now on.

The boy's blue eyes danced with the surrounding fire, his smirk grew and he started laughing. What's so funny? What's he laughing about? Stupid kid. I just wanted to punch the brat in the face. In fact, I think I would. It's always fun to punch someone in the face. . . but it's not that fun to get punched in the

"Katsu!" he yelled maniacally, his laughter resounding. The centipede around my mother exploded, I was feet from her. Fire burst around here, over her body, burning her skin. It happened so fast. There was a cloud of smoke and dust, I couldn't see her. Then I knew why. She was gone. What was left to her, her innocent, crimson blood, was splattered everywhere. Horrible waves of red. It lightly speckled my face.

I stopped mid-step in my run towards her, falling to the ground on my knees, staring at the spot where my mother had just stood. It was covered in her blood. I was petrified, frozen, shocked. I couldn't feel tears coming, it wasn't realistic. It was a dream. This couldn't happen. Not to me, not to my mom.

The boy turned completely, and took a step toward me. I raised my eyes to look at him. The usual amber color of my eyes was tinted with red. Anger, tinted with pure anger. I got it. It did happen. But why?

He walked towards me, and my breath caught in my chest. I wanted to dig my nails into his face and tear off his skin. He stopped when he reached me, and kneeled down next to me. A little closed and I would be able to strike. He grabbed both my hands in one of his. Damn, I couldn't. But I would when he let me go. I would kill him. I would sink a kunai deep into his flesh and have my victory over him. He pressed his head next to mine and caressed my face. He whispered calmly into my ear. "Hello, Joku, my name is Deidara." Then he stood and laughed.

I tilted my head to look at him. His crazy smirk was still in place. I stood up and rammed my closed left fist into his face. He stumbled back, his eyes widening, slightly surprised. He narrowed his eyes and stepped back up beside me. Blood was coming from the corner of his mouth.

I braced myself before his fist collided with my ribs, and there was a cracking sound as I flew backwards into a building. I heard Kan scream. I scraped the side of my face on the rough wood as I turned to look at her. Large splinters of wood stuck into my back.

Deidara, as he had called himself, walked toward me again, this time with a kunai in hand. He got on his knees in front of me and raised my arm and pressed it against the building with his right hand gently. With his left, he pierced my palm lightly. I gasped. Then he thrust it in harshly. I screamed in pain and struggled as he pressed it even farther until my hand was nailed to the building. Then he repeated the process with my other hand. Blood seeped from the wounds and poured down my arms and onto my face as I craned my neck upward.

He removed my headband and lightly ran a kunai over my forehead. Blood, mixed with dirt and sweat, poured down my face into my eyes and down my cheeks. It stung my eyes. I could taste it as it ran into my mouth. Some was rolling done from the corner of my lips. It dribbled off my chin and onto my chest. Oddly, he ran his tongue over the gash and licked the blood off his lips. He looked down at me, murder in his eyes. I could feel tears. Mom. . . me . . . was Hokori next? What about Kan? Who was next to die? The tears began to slip down my cheeks.

Deidara stood. He smirked at me, the sun blared down at us from behind him, making it hard to look at him, as if it wasn't hard already. I couldn't move. I struggled to stand, but my body wouldn't obey, my hands couldn't free themselves. The dumb blonde laughed at me and spat in my face. I rubbed the saliva off on the shoulder of my shirt and fought the kunai that pinned me to the wooden building. It wouldn't work. The pain was too much and the open sores were beginning to turn red and swell.

"Joku . . .?" Kan whimpered from somewhere not too far away. Deidara's eyes blazed in that direction.

Hell no. Not Kan. Never Kan.

I screamed at him and thrashed against the wall, kicking my legs out at him and striking him the shins. That would keep him from getting to my friend. He would finish me, but that would give Kan enough time to find a new place to hide for the time being. If only that.

He turned back to me, agitated with my stubbornness. his hand lashed out, hitting me in the cheek and knocking my face against the hard, cold wood of the building. I hadn't noticed it was so cold before. Or maybe it was just me.

My cheek was red as my face turned suddenly to the side with the collision. My neck was stiff from the impact and I could feel consciousness, or life, whatever it was, it was leaving me. The blow to the head had been the last of it all. And I was leaving the world I used to know. Damn, I was only thirteen. I didn't wanna die . . . but if it's for Kan, or if it's in place of Hokori, then I'd do it. Whatever. There was nothing I could do about it. Blackness crept into the corners of my vision, it began to overcome my sight, my breathing calmed. Bad signs. My heartbeat was slowing from the former racing pace. I couldn't see any more, or hear. All the sounds, the screams, they all faded. How strange . . . is this what it's like to die?


	2. Chapter 2

Hokori was sitting in a wooden chair in the corner, fiddling with something in his hands. It was shiny. I liked shiny things. They're bright and they sparkle. Like stars. And I like stars. Stars are like the sun, only farther away. But I don't like the sun. It makes everything so hot and I like cool things. You know, like snow . . . and ice cream.

Ice cream's really good. It's kinda weird that it's made out of milk though, because ice is supposed to be water. But I guess that's just the way things are. I mean, it wouldn't be called milk cream, because you put cream in coffee. Or on top of ice cream, but that's whip cream. I used to always eat it out of the can, but my mom yells at me when I do that. Yelled at me. I forgot.

It's hard, you know, remembering I don't have a mom. Everyday after today when I wake up, I'll have to remember, and I don't want to remember, I just want her back. She was always there. Like the sky. Always showing me the way, telling me what to do. Sure I don't listen all the time, but at least it's there.

I'm going to kill Deidara. I'm gonna get my revenge. I'm going to stab him. Slowly, painfully. The most painful way possible. And them I'm going to rip out one of his eyes and cut off his fingers one by one. I don't just get mad, I get furious, and then I get even. I don't care what it takes to get even, I just know I will. I'll torture him. I'll kill him. I'll kill his family. And I'll kill all his friends. I'll kill everything that meant anything to him. I'll win back my sanity, I'll avenge my mom. I loved my mom. And I love Hokori, so I'm going to always be there for Hokori, like my mom would want me to.

I tried to sit up, Hokori looked up from the floor, which he seemed to take great interest in. "You're alive. . . they said you would die."

Tears spilled from my little brother's face. they slipped down his cheeks and dripped off his face. Failing to sit up, I called him over to stand next to me. "C'mere."

He stood slowly, rubbing his eyes, and trudged toward the white hospital bed. He leaned down so his face was near mine. I raised my hand slowly, and then slammed it into his face. The slap left a red mark on his cheek. "Don't ever cry over me like that again, ya hear me?"

His face at first was purely shocked. Then he smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I hear ya."

I chuckled. Silly little boy.

"I'll go get a nurse, they need to know when you're up," he said as he straightened and walked out of the room, in search of a nurse. It didn't take long, because two appeared in the doorway, followed by Hokori.

"Hello, Joku-san. I hope you enjoy your stay here-" At a hospital? Yeah right. "- because you may have to stay here for quite some time."

Damn. "Why?"

"It seems you broke several ribs and damaged a lung. Your hands may have a permanent hole in them as well, seeing the kunai went in, well, through them. I'm sorry but at the least you'll have to be here three months or so for your ribs to heal. We seem to be low on medical staff lately because of the ongoing battles just outside Iwa, so I'm afraid you won't get the best medical attention, but we'll do what we can."

"Hokori, leave." He obeyed me. How surprising. I didn't want him to be here for this. There were some things I still needed to understand that I would explain them to him later.

Three months? That long? Usually they could heal broken bones within weeks. Battles outside Iwa? Against what? Then, a horrid thought crept into my head.

"Will I be able to fight ever again? Continue my training as a ninja?"

"I'm afraid that is still undetermined. You may never be able to fight again, and you may never regain the full use of your hands. I'm so sorry." Sure you are.

"And my brother? Who is he staying with?"

"He is to be taken care of by Ryuu-sensei." My eyes widened at the name. No, not Ryuu. He'll work poor Hokori to death. Ryuu had been my sensei until he was wounded by a rogue ninja just months ago.

"No, he won't."

"Now, Joku, that is unreasonable. Ryuu-sensei is a strong and respectable man, he is surely capable of taking care of your brother while you heal and complete your physical therapy sessions. Relax and rest, you need it."

"No, I won't rest until I know Hokori is taken care of. Is that understood?" I argued for Hokori. Poor kid. No way I was gonna let him be taken care of by Ryuu. The guy nearly killed me when we were training to become genin. I had broken my arm and both legs and punctured a lung. My spine had been severed from the waist down, lucky for me Tsunade-sama has been in Iwagakure to settle and argument with the Tsuchikage and she did some charity work for me. I owe her. And one way I could work on my debt was to make sure my brother wouldn't be as beaten as I was when I was training under Ryuu.

"Joku, lay back down. You'll hurt your ribs even more."

I looked down, astounded that I had actually managed to sit up. My heart was pounding from the small, yet hard movement. I swung my feet over the bed and hopped off, but crumpled to the floor as soon as my weight left the bed. I was weaker than I expected. Damn. So close.

I gasped as my hands struck the floor to save me from my fall. Red filled the bandages that were wrapped around them and I knew I had reopened the stitches that had feebly tried to hold my skin together. I groaned as I felt the stitches rip an even bigger hole into my hands.

"Joku. Are you all right?" the nurse asked, frightened.

"Does it look like I'm all right?!" I snapped back at her, my hands burning and stinging like hell. Augh, why did this happen? Damn, why was I so stupid? I just had to try to stand before I was ready.

"Hold on, I'll get some help." With that, the nurse hurried out of the room and Hokori reappeared in the doorway. He hurried to my side and picked me up gently from the floor and placed me back in the bed. Worry washed over his face.

"You're way to stubborn for your own good," he stated, glaring down at me. "I'll be fine with Ryuu, who knows, I might even improve. You just concentrate on getting better."

I laughed. "It must be the end of the world, I'm about to listen to my seven-year-old brother. . . how did you pick me up anyway?"

Now he laughed. "You way all of about seventy pounds, sis. You've been asleep for five days, they've been keeping you alive on a feeding tube. And your metabolism is so fast they thought they might lose you. Scared the hell out of me."

"Language."

"-heck out of me."

"Better." I smiled at him and he smiled back at me. Then I surveyed myself. I had lost weight, my muscle had practically vanished and the tone was completely gone. It would take years to regain the muscle mass and tone I once had. I sighed. "This sucks."

"Yeah. But you will get better, and who knows," he laughed. "I might even be a chunin by that time, which means I could pass you."

There was silence for a while. I think that was the longest time I was ever quiet in my life. "I might never be able to finish my training."

He didn't say anything. The nurses stepped back into the room, shocked to find me on the bed once more, and stitched the hole in my palms. I twitched. The needle went all the way through, and the antiseptic they had used stung like a bitch. Wow. That hurt.

They finished and straightened, disposing of the needles. The black threads now covered the open sores on my hand and the deep holes. Damn Deidara, damn him to hell.

The nurses left, all except one. She gently lifted me from the bed and placed me tenderly on a cushioned chair that had been brought into the room for the exchange. She took off the sheets and blankets and put on clean ones, then she helped me to the washroom, allowed me to relieve myself and then helped me change. She set me back down on the clean sheets and pulled them up to my chin, fluffing the pillows and putting them behind me to prop me up a little.

How tiresome, I hated being so weak. It got in the way. How long would I have to suffer through this? This is truly hell. My kind of hell anyway.

I feel exhausted, but I've slept enough for now. I want to know what happened after I passed out. So I think I might ask the nurse. Yeah, I think I will.

"Yo!" I called as she turned towards the door. She spun around and stared at me, waiting for me to complete my sentence. "The village . . . is it all right?"

She hesitated. "Somewhat," she stated, and turned around and stepped through the doorway to the hall before I could ask any more questions.

How agitating. Guh, I wish I could get out of here. Recovering will take forever and a day and I don't have the patience to stay here and lay inactive for so long. Three months is a long time. But I don't think it will take that long for my ribs to heal. They would heal faster. Why were they keeping me for so long?

Hokori reentered. I hadn't realized that he left at all. Well, that doesn't matter now, he was back and I had someone to talk to for a little while.

"Sup?" he asked, sitting down on the comfortable chair.

I shrugged, it hurt. "Nothing really. You know, just waiting for three months to be up, sitting, breathing, whatever comes to mind."

He laughed. "Yeah, not much to do here."

Then something popped into my head. Something that should have been lingering there for some time. I can't believe I didn't ask sooner. It only makes me want to question more sanity more and more.

"Is Kan all right?"

He was quiet. "Yeah. I think she's all right. She's not in the hospital but she's not at her house either. I think she's okay. Why?"

"She was there when Deidara attacked me . . . after he killed mom . . . I was just wondering if she was okay. You know, cuz like would be horrible if we didn't have our 'sister'."

"Yeah."

There was something he wasn't telling me. Was Kan, I don't know, dead. I desperately hoped not. He said he didn't know where she was but that could also mean she was just training or something even though she usually only trains with me-

"I need to tell you something."

Shit, was she dead? I nearly choked. "Shoot," I said, more alert than ever.

"You know how Ryuu is supposed to take care of me?" he said quietly.

"Yeah . . ." I whispered.

He was quiet for some time before he replied. It was a long, scary silence. A perfect awkward silence. I'm sure at least three gay children were born in that time. Yeah, cuz a gay child is born every awkward silence . . . yeah you know. I guess that's how Deidara came to be or something like that.

"Well, he's not."

Now it was my turn not to say anything. Instead, he just continued.

"And you're not going to be here for three months."

After another pause, I got together what I needed to reply. "What do you mean?" I asked feebly.

The silence was longer than ever. He looked uncertain, as if he shouldn't be telling me this . . . Whatever it was. He fumbled with his finger, looking down at the ground, seeming to take great interest in his feet once more.

"Hokori," I growled. He looked up at me and smiled sheepishly.

"Never mind." He turned to leave but I stopped him with my words.

"What is it, damnit?" I yelled at him angrily, grinding my teeth together in a frustrated manner. "Tell me now."

He continued on his way out the door, but stopped in the hall, his hand on the edge of the door. "Dad's coming." And he shut the door.

He left me there to gape in silence. Dad . . . no. He wasn't. Was he? Why? He hadn't seen us since Hokori was born, and after that I preferred not to keep in touch with him. we had moved when mom was prego with him, and I didn't like to talk to my dad, so I didn't.

He kinda knocked Mom up twice (well probably more but ya know, there are only two of us kids) and cheated on her at least six times. He was unfaithful to her when she was obviously in love with him and that's what hurt the most, because he didn't love us back. He just loved his little game.

To hell with him. To hell with everyone.

Screw this life. There was no way I was going to let Hokori stay with that bastard . . . and no way I was going to live with him. Hokori might not know what's wrong with him but I do and there was no way I was going to stay with him. And that's final.

6


	3. Chapter 3

I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR ITS CHARACTERS BESIDES MY OC'S!!

Please read and review/rate! It's very much appreciated! Thanks!

* * *

His face taunted my dreams all night. And I found that there was no hope for a peaceful sleep. His blazing blue eyes danced in and out of my nightmares, turning even the sweetest dreams into a night's hell.

I was lying stiffly in the hospital bed, Hokori was asleep in the armchair to my left and the door was closed tightly. I had checked to make sure for myself. I was thinking hard about things.

I better talk to Ryuu-sensei. Ask him if Hokori could stay with him for a short time while I find a more permanent place for him to stay. Funny how I didn't want Hokori to be with him in the first place, but it's better than the other option. My stomach clenched as I thought about it and I let out a sigh, I might have to send him to a boy's home. I might not find a place at all. Then where would we be? Back to living off the streets and pick pocketing strangers. Then, we would be back to killing rats for lunch and begging our father to get us a house while he stayed with his girlfriend and fucked her day after day.

I bit my lip and remembered how my mom had begged him to take better care of us. It was just her and me then. Just before she found out she was preggerz with Hokori.

Those were the hard days. The days we couldn't eat. And I remember how she wouldn't steal. She was so pure about all of that. I stole for her what she wanted after I got fired as a waitress in some little restaurant owned by some hick couple. She didn't ever know about those days, when I was chased out of shops. She didn't know I was fired until three weeks afterward, and I didn't bother explaining it all to her. I didn't explain to her, when I came back to her hours later with empty hands and an empty stomach. I would say I ate at the restaurant, would say I bought some food for myself, so she could eat. I didn't explain to her why I stole, that should have been self-evident. I did it to survive, because that's what it's all about, right? Others can die, as long as you're alive. As long as you survive, nothing else matters.

I smiled down at Hokori. He looked like our fat ass cat, curled up in a ball and mumbling to himself. My smile turned into a grin and I lowered myself willfully off the bed, next to him. I leaned in to his ear muttering things. When I was close enough. . .

"BOOP!" I squeaked happily in a high-pitched voice. He shot up so fast he hit his forehead into my jaw. I wobbled from being unbalanced and lurched backwards, hitting my head on the bed frame and laughing all the while.

"What the hell was that for?!" he screeched.

I looked at him and laughed some more. "C'mon, let's go get something to eat!" I said happily. He rubbed his eyes groggily and turned to the clock.

"What time is it?" he asked, he wasn't a morning person. Always cranky when he woke up. He complained that I was too chipper in the morning! He really needed a better judge of character; he couldn't even look in the mirror while his hair was mussed, looking like some dead bird's ass, and laughed. Instead he complained while I laughed. I think it's funny when I wake up and my hair looks like some mortifyingly ugly creature, but no! He just has to be perfectly organized and fancy. I'd swear he was exactly like our cat! Keba (yes, I know his name means fuzz!) is the laziest cat ever! He'll sit around and lick his own ass until it sparkles, and then he'll take a nap. Just like my _adorable_ little brother (that was sarcasm, boys and girls, sarcasm).

I forgot what he asked; he yelled at me and struck my shins. "WHAT TIME IS IT!?" he yelled. I could just envision people stopping outside the hospital to look at our window.

"Uhh. . . it's. . . four?" I said, tilting my head as I stared at the clock next to the bed. It's flashing green letters winked at me through the darkness. I giggled slightly. As if it could wink!

"Like an ostrich," I mumbled.

"Ostrich?" my lil' bro asked. "You mean like-"

"I mean the flightless bird, yes brother dear. They have two toes and run really really fast! _And_ they look like they got their heads stuck in a bottle so it couldn't grow right and they're _fluffy_!" I said, flapping my arms for emphasis and hopping up and down on my toes.

"Right. . ." he grumbled. What a little douche. I nodded in agreement with myself. It was the perfect insult for him! The little vag cleaner. Kind of like on those commercials with those fat guys who try to sell you products for cleaning materials that don't do shit.

I dragged him to the stairs and pulled my mattress after me. He looked at me quizzically as I let it lay at the top of the stairs. And then I jumped on it, sliding down. I fingers and toes clutched at the edges of the mattress and I felt like I was gonna be ripped in two from holding on so tightly. Laughing maniacally, I flew off at the bottom of the stairs and-

WHAM!

"Who put that wall there?" I groaned, rubbing my head furiously. I was slightly amazed that no one heard that.

"What are you doing out here?"

Nevermind.

I looked up. A nurse had stopped and was standing in the hallway in front of me. "Um. . . going for a walk? . . . to get food?" I said slowly.

She cracked a smile and helped me up. "What's your room number?" she asked gently as she walked me to the stairs. She stopped in front of the mattress, a puzzled look on her face. "Um-"

I tried to begin to explain it to her. "It was horrible! It jumped out from under me and hit my brother and I chased after it! It wiggled down the hallway and tripped me on the stairs! And- and- and-"

"Shh, we'll find a different room. Come on," she encouraged. Now I'll admit, I felt somewhat ashamed and somewhat guilty because of lying to her and ripping the mattress from the bed and using it like a sled. Actually, I don't feel guilty at all. Or ashamed. I felt kinda proud of myself. Yep.

We followed the nice lady down the hallways, I limped after her clumsily. But damn! Even with a limp, I looked as fucking gracious as an angel next to that woman!

She stumbled around a corner and banged her head on the wall.

"You drunk or something?" I asked impatiently, smiling despite myself.

She froze and turned to me. "No." and then she continued on down the hall, tottering slightly to her left. I cocked my head to the side like a puppy dog. Aw, I love dogs! Much better than cats, especially Keba. No I actually don't mean that, I love Keba, he's just obese for a cat. It's adorable.

Hokori glanced sideways at me. I shrugged and we continued to follow the lady. Whose name was still unknown.

"So. . ." I said slowly, trying to make conversation. "Have you. . . ever. . . milked a cow?" I inquired. Not only because of the awkward silence, but also because I personally like cows. They have spots and go 'moo!', so what's not to like about them? Other than how bad their farts smell.

"Um, no?" she raised an eyebrow and turned another corner. She grabbed my hand and shook it firmly. "This is your room, please. Don't ask any more questions here, it's not safe."

I nodded slowly and squeezed my hand as she pulled hers out of my palm. A small slip of paper crumpled up under the pressure. I frowned. "I'll see ya later!" I called down the hall to her.

She shook her head, a sad look in her eyes. "Hopefully not," she whispered to me, although I could tell that her words weren't exactly directed to me as much to herself. Strange girl.

I opened the door to my new room and turned to thank her. But she had disappeared down the boring white corridors.

I stepped over the threshold. This room was slightly better than the last, with some _useful_ items. You know, like games and cards. AND a microwave. I walked slowly over to the microwave and plugged it in. There were a few cups of instant ramen on the top of the microwave and I filled one up to the line with water from the sink in the bathroom and popped it in for two minutes.

Then I surveyed the room. It was larger than the other one, and I jumped up on the bed to find it to be slightly softer. I grinned and bounced over and over again, Hokori watched with cynical eyes. I laughed slightly at him and landed on my ass, crossing my legs under me and patting the bed covers next to me.

He hopped up on the bedspread to my left and smiled. The microwave beeped and I threw a deck of cards at it, and then I remembered not to leave things in heated conditions for long. I hopped off the bed and pulled the ramen out of the microwave. I smiled as the steam rose and opened the pores on my face, I could smell the beef in it and my mouth began to water viciously.

I broke my chopstick and dug into the ramen. The beef flavor ran over my tongue and down my throat, warming my insides and causing waves of pleasure to lap over my taste buds. I grinned stupidly for a second, and then offered some to Hokori. He shook his head and sighed, stretching out his tiny body over the bed.

I smiled and caressed his hair until he fell asleep, his eyelids closing steadily. It was nearly morning and he hadn't slept very much.

Sighing, I stood from the bed, chucked the empty ramen cup into the trash and stepped into the bathroom. I ripped off my clothes and stepped into the jets of warm water, enjoying the water as it streamed down my back. I washed my hair and scrubbed my body clean, carefully avoiding the use of my palms as I did so. But soap seeped through the waterproof bandages, stinging my sore hands like a bitch. I bit my lip and pain and waited for the throbbing to stop, but it continued relentlessly. I stepped out of the shower and stood on the mat, wrapping myself in a fluffy white towel reserved for the most important hospital patients. Oddly, and pleasingly, it had just been run through a dryer, making it soft and toasty warm.

I dried my hair, then my shoulders, gradually working down so the water would naturally run off my skin as I went. I wrapped the towel around myself and stepped into the room. To my sweet surprise, clothes from my house had been supplied on an armchair in the corner. I grinned and snatched them from the chair, pulling them into the bathroom and slipping them on.

A nurse came just as I stepped out of the bathroom, pills and syringes in her arms. I frowned. Needles weren't exactly welcomed at this point. I could just feel them sinking into my skin as I thought about it. I withheld a shudder and sat on the bed, my legs crossed in front of me and my arms folded imperiously.

"What do you want?" I spat venomously, and then realized that my brother was gone. He probably wondered off, he usually does.

"The doctor ordered for me to take care of you medical needs. If you could just take these," she said, pouring out eleven different colored pills into her palm and holding her hand out for me to take them. "It would make my job a lot easier. But the doctor warned me that you'd have nothing of it, so if you don't comply-"she pulled out another needle as she said this. "-I'll just have to stick this in you."

I gulped and licked my lips. "You got anything for me to drink with these?" I asked angrily, who the hell did she think she was, ordering me around?

She nodded and pointed to one of the paper cups by the microwave. I slid one from the stack and filled it with water. I took a deep breathe and popped three of the pills in my mouth, one got stuck in my throat even with the water and I took another swig. Then I took the rest of the pills, one by one, because they were so big.

She motioned for me to sit down and stuck the first hypodermic syringe into the cap of some medication, lifting the tab at top of it so the liquid would fill up the small plastic cylinder. I groaned and held out my arm. She quickly grabbed hold of it, stabbed the syringe in my arm so fast I nearly fell over, and ejected the fluid into my veins. She repeated this process and plunged it into both of my wrists, by the base of my palm.

"Damn," I muttered as the needle withdrew finally.

Pulled my hands out in front of me and held them face up, unwrapping the bandages gently and peeling them from my skin with care. The bandages were now removed, and I caught a glimpse of the torn flesh it had been hiding. My hands were completely red and the middle of each palm was swollen with skin ripped back from the center. The dead skin was a ghastly white in comparison, and you could see how the kunai knives had been forced through the bones and muscle, and then how they were ripped out once more. I bit my lip to keep from gagging. The rugged skin did not look like it was supposed to belong to my body; it looked like something from a dead body, a corpse that had been dead for days with skin destroyed by warm, humid air.

Without warning, my ramen came back up. Vomit slipped from my lips and into a readily prepared trashcan for this purpose. The nurse had known such a thing would happen. She brushed my hair away from my face as I grabbed the wastebasket between my forearms, heaving into the black bin.

She patted my back as I finished and applied an antiseptic to my shredded palms. I screamed in pain and pulled away from her. She pulled me forward, holding me with a startlingly strong grip, and continued to wipe the strong disinfectant over the tainted skin. I shrieked and tried to rip myself away from her, thrashing in her grasp. Receiving the wound hadn't been so bad until the pain had sunken in, but by then I was too tired to fight back against it, this, however, was entirely different. There was no numbness, the pain was immediate, and I hadn't been fighting for my life prior to it.

I rammed my forehead in hers in one quick movement, she fell down to the floor unconscious. I breathed a sigh of relief. And then another nurse stepped through the door way. A needle was plunged into my chest before I could react, and I felt my mind go blank. I sank to the floor, next to the nurse, and watched through dead eyes as the other nurse stepped closer, a bottle of ointment in her hand.

It was the same nurse from the night, and she tenderly applied a healing salve to my palms, rubbing it gently in circles, I could hardly feel her fingers on my palm, it was almost as if it was done by some sort of phantom.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke by noon to painfully bright lights and disturbing voices. Well, the voices themselves were not disturbing, but what they were saying surely was. And maybe the lights weren't that bright, but they sure seemed it.

I groaned and tried to roll over onto my back, but I couldn't.

Wires hooked onto various parts of my bed and embedded in my veins while chakra strings restrained my movements. I blinked up into the harsh lights and closed my eyes painfully.

"Joku, if you can hear me, blink twice," commanded a doctor.

I blinked twice rapidly and his face began to take shape. He had thick eyebrows and warm honey-colored eyes; his brow was wrinkled with age and experience. His face over all was comforting and his light colored hair added to his demeanor. I closed my eyes; he seemed like the loving grandfather type.

My eyes fluttered open when I felt something cool touch the base of my throat. I tried to push it away, but the restraints kept me from doing so. I felt the lines of chakra tighten around my body, holding me even stiller. I bit my lip in frustration; all of this was going against my instincts. I indelibly relied on my instincts, and this sort of control over them made me stumble.

A needle sunk into the base of my throat. And then the doctor began to explain to me what was happening.

"There was an unexpected cessation of your cardiac functions due to the anesthetic that our nurses had injected-"

"Tell it to me straight, Doc," I said impatiently.

"Your heart was beginning to die from the tranquilizing shot that was given to you," he said quickly, turning to look at the monitors to my right.

I frowned. "You tellin' me I died?" I asked slowly.

He nodded, still studying the monitors. And then he frowned. "We believe it's from the shock of being bedridden and then using sudden movements along with the tranquilizer. The dose was a little high; we hadn't expected you to have lost so much weight. However, now the nurses are keeping careful track of your weight so as not to make the same mistake as before."

I nodded mutely and waited for the majority of the nurses to leave. "Where's Hokori?" I asked. I glanced around the room one more time, in search of my brother.

"We sent him outside to play with others of his age group. He wouldn't leave your side for the preparation of the procedure and he had to be physically taken away. He's a very devoted young brother, that he is," the doctor said, an odd twinkle of pride in his eyes. I decided immediately that I don't like that.

"Bring him here," I commanded.

The doctor shook his head. "I'm afraid I can't do so, Miss."

"And why not?" I asked, raising my voice. He was getting me angry, he better send my brother in.

His shoulders rose in a shrug, indifferent and uninterested. "That decision is not mine alone, Miss. I suggest that you rest, you will see your brother later."

He turned to leave but I called to him. "If anything happens to my brother, you will be a dead man." I threatened intensely, and my threat was anything but empty.

To my surprise, the corners of his lips turned upwards. He was full-out ginning now. "I'm wouldn't be surprised, Miss."

And then he disappeared and the door was shut tight behind him. The restraints dissipated, and I could breathe properly once more. I thought those damn things were gonna choke me. I sighed and closed my eyes, lying back down on the bed; I hadn't realized that I had sat up.

The day seemed endless. Seconds were minutes and minutes were hour, but eventually, two hours had come to pass, and there was a gentle knock on my door.

"Go away!" I yelled.

The door creaked open and I threw my pillow at the intruder's face. It soared over his head and my brother was grinning wildly. "Sup?" he said, plopping down on the bed next to me.

I grunted, though I was inwardly enthusiastic. "So when am I getting out of this damn place?"

He laughed. "Three months, two weeks, and four days, approximately. Though I think the nurses want you out sooner. I hear you've been causing more trouble than usual?" his grin widened idiotically.

I couldn't help but grin in satisfaction, too.

"Yeah. I raise hell."

"Mom used to say that 'bout you, too," he said thoughtfully, eyes turned down towards the blankets.

I swatted at the side of his head and hit him, efficiently boxing his ear. "None of that. We don't have time for that," I said, but really, I was sad. I was destroyed at the concept of my mother being dead.

He rolled his eyes. "_I'm_ the boy. I'm supposed to be the on acting tough and courageous and all that."

"Yep, but you're also young and I'm the big sister. Besides, I don't want to be stuck here for devil-knows-how-long thinking about Mom," I said flatly.

He nodded. "That's a good point, I guess."

"Yeah. . ." I said. And then my stomach growled, the growl grew in length and volume until it was a wail coming from the pit of my body. "Kori, mind gettin' me something to eat?" I said with a sheepish, embarrassed grin.

His smile returned and he muttered a quick 'sure', leaving the room immediately in search of food for me.

I slid out from between the covers, pulling the tubes gently from my veins. I left them to hang by their machines or let the lay, conspicuous, on the floor.

I heaved open the window and pulled my form through the slim opening. I really had gotten thinner. I marveled and almost laughed. I lowered myself so I was only clutching the sill with my fingers and palms. I swayed back in forth in front of a lower open window an entire story below me. I bit my lip in concentration. And rocked faster to and fro, back and forth.

My muscles had gotten much smaller, but I was slowly regaining them. With a harsh intake of breath, I swung my body forward into the closed window. The glass flowed in after me as it shattered, creating a beautifully familiar noise; I closed my eyes as I landed on the heavily carpeted floor. On my feet. Good, my balance was still there. I wasn't as limber as before, but I would be soon.

I slipped out into the hallway, pulled a nurse inside and stuck my left sock in her mouth to keep her from screaming. I hit her quickly on the back of the head and took off her nurse's dress and cap, pulling it on hastily. I glanced in the mirror and tugged consciously at the hem of the dress, too short for my liking.

I slid out the door and into the hall, fastening the lady's pin over my lapel. I passed Hokori in the corridor towards the lobby, he carried a tray of food and I couldn't keep the smile from spreading across my lips. I ruffled his hair as I passed, my head tilted down towards the tiles and the cap pulled over my eyes.

I could sense him turn around and give me a disgusted, confused glare, before continuing up two flights of stairs. I hadn't realized I had dropped so far until I noticed the floor sign at the top of the stairway.

I licked my lips and bounced happily down the stairs into the lobby. I smiled at the lady behind the desk and waited until she was distracted by a costumer before I slipped out the front doors of the lobby.

I breathed a sigh of relief once I was out in the street and turned towards my house. I was walking as fast as I could without looking suspicious, a hard feat. The tension built in my chest was just itching to run. I rocked back and forth on the nurse's heels as I sprinted down the alleyway that led to my house. I slipped around to the back door and let myself in; the back door was never locked. Mother had always left it open for when I came home late from a mission.

I hurried into my room and slid open the drawers as fast as my fingers allowed me. I stripped out of the nurse's clothes and kicked them into a pile in the corner of my room. I replaced my undergarments and slid into a fishnet top with a black short sleeve overtop and matching pants. I haphazardly tied my kunai holster around my thigh and secured the shuriken pouch around my waist. Lastly, I tired my dented hitai-ate around my forehead. It was a reunion of sorts and I smiled in relief as soon as I felt the cool cloth against my skin.

I rushed down the hall, remembering something extremely important. I went through the doorway to my mother's bedroom and began to dig through her closet. I found her black ANBU cloak and katana. I licked my lips and attached the katana's sheath to my waist. I slid my arms into the black material and it enveloped me entirely, the bottom hem dragged on the floor unceremoniously. I sighed and cut the fabric up to my shins mournfully. At least I had something of hers now.

There was only one thing left that I had to do here.

Slowly, I entered Hokori's room and pulled out a pad of paper from his desk. It took me a moment to think of what to say. I couldn't tell him why or where I was headed, but at least I could give him a memoir of me. I wrote one simple sentence on the sheet of paper that I had ripped from the notebook.

_Sorry, I love you, Kori_

_ Joku_

Again I slipped out the back door and trailed down through the streets, keeping my face veiled by my hitai-ate bandana, my hair poking out under the knot at the base of my neck. Next stop: Kan's house. I didn't bother to keep up my façade; I sprinted to her house via rooftops. It didn't take long to get there, only ten minutes when it should have been twenty. I was pleased with myself.

I threw a rock at her window but there was no answer. I sighed and forced uneven chakra to my feet and climbed up the side of her house to her window. I skimmed a kunai around the crease of the frame and wedged it in, using a needle to open the latch. I slid in the window and landed on her bed, surveying. Her room was all in shambles, like she had hurried to leave. All the lights in the house were off.

This was new.

I jumped down the stairs, four, five, six at a time and hurried into the kitchen. There was no food in the refrigerator and the cabinets were nearly empty. A plate lay in the sink, unwashed and a glass container was in pieces on the floor. I went into her parents' room next. Their clothes were gone, a notable amount of them anyway. And there were no weapons.

Gone. Didn't even say goodbye.

Were they alright? Was Kan okay? Were they scared?

I swiped a tear off my cheek. My mom was gone, dead, my best friend was no where known to myself, and to top off my wonderful day, I had just become a r— no, don't think about that. I scolded myself firmly and stared at myself in the full-length mirror that tilted against the back wall.

There was no where else to go. I was alone, terribly alone. And I couldn't go back to Hokori, too much was to be done yet. And —I couldn't keep the bitter thoughts away— I might never be able to see him again if I left. No, not if, when, after. It was inevitable, there was no way around it. I was going to kill Deidara.

I went into the cellar, still hoping to find Kan or a trace of her. We used to hide down here when we were scared or when we just needed to talk about things. As I had hoped, there was a note attached to the empty barrel next to the small couch that was threadbare and resembled a heap of rags.

_Jojo,_

_I'm sorry it had to be done like this, you deserved better, but this is the only goodbye I can afford. My family has left Iwagakure, I cannot tell you where we are heading but by the time you get this we should be safely out of the country. There is little time. I left things for you under my bed; you have to leave as soon as you can._

_-Kan_

Oh, the irony. I smiled wryly; it was as if she had done the same for me as I had for Hokori. Only, I never told him to run, because he was safe here, and it wasn't my place to stay with him.

I sighed and bit my lip, carefully folding the note and slipping it into the shuriken pouch around my waist. I was up the stairs and in her room before I had any time to think. I had to leave, the village was hiding something from me, from all of us. I tried breathing for a second, preparing myself silently.

I slid the junk under her bed out and dug out nearly twenty-thousand ryō. I closed my eyes, twenty-thousand ryō. _Twenty-thousand_. I felt a shiver go up my spine and began to stuff the money into my cloak's pockets.

I would leave Iwagakure then. But I had to do something very important first. I scratched the back of my neck as I turned towards the window above Kan's bed. There was still light, that would more than likely ruin my plans.

I sighed and jumped on the bed, folding my hands under my head slowly as I fell into a laying position. It would be a boring two hours, but then I could get out of here and roam the streets when the sun set.

I watched the clock and the window, my eyes were like a pendulum and the time was spent between either of the objects. I played with a yoyo while I waited restlessly. It was too early to leave; people were just coming home from work. The hospital would be looking for me by day and the ANBU by night. They must believe that I have left already, but I'm just waiting for a chance to slip out when no one notices.

There was a rustling in the downstairs. I jumped up at the unexpected sound and rolled off the bed. I crept down the stairs and into the kitchen. The noise was coming from behind the decorative screen in the corner.

I silently made my way around the table and to the corner of the room, yanking the screen right over on its side. I breathed a sigh in relief as I did so.

A puppy lay in the corner, with three other dead puppies and a nervous Miki, Kan's pregnant dog. Oh wait . . . not pregnant any more. I sighed and scooped up the puppy, Miki growled at me in warning. I patted her head encouragingly and she recognized me, leaning into my hand as I scratched her chin.

The puppy was small and its ribs were visible. I checked the gender. It was a female. Well, she was a female. Cool, I always wanted a dog. I relaxed a little and sat in a chair. Miki came out of her hiding place to lick my hand and I cooed into the puppy's ears.

"I think I'm gonna name you. . . " I began. Names were really important, they reflected the person's – er — or animal's personality, but if the name didn't fit it could jinx a person or animal. Like me. My dad just so happened to name me Joku, which means disgrace. Ha . . . ha. . .

Then something clicked. I grinned as I poked the puppy's nose. I said, "Nikki."

I don't know why, but that just seemed to work perfectly. Nikki nipped at my fingers. "Oww . . . jerk."


	5. Chapter 5

I had fallen asleep.

I groaned and pushed myself up from the bed, glaring at the clock. It was three. I guess it's good that I woke now. I threw my legs over the side of the bed and slid off, clambering up to the window.

And then I hopped down again. I had forgotten something. I smiled and ran down the stairs, tripping at the bottom over an excited puppy. She nipped at my ear playfully when my sliding velocity was reduced to nothing.

I grinned. "Stop that," I said teasingly, swatting lightly at the puppy's muzzle. "We've gotta go, pup."

I let Miki out, careful to make sure no one was watching. Kan's neighbors were fond of Miki, no doubt she would be treated very well. I slipped out the door after her, the puppy- Nikki- cradled in my arms.

I slid behind a garbage can. It was night, and nearly impossible to see, but like hell I was taking any chances getting caught. I lurched slowly over onto my side, the dog pressed to my chest tightly as I hit my head against the garbage can, knocking it clear over and sending the lid spinning into the street.

"Shit. . ." I muttered to myself and rolled behind Kan's house. Dead vines twined over corner of the wall. I exhaled deeply and glanced down at the puppy. She would be my only companion for a long time. I wrapped my cloak gently around her and began my ascent.

The vines were wet and slippery, it must have rained while I was sleeping. I clung to the merciless plants and heaved myself even further up the back wall. My fingers slipped but I caught myself, coiling my wrist painfully through the vines to keep hold.

Nikki whimpered, frightened, in my cloak. Only one hand kept her up, the other was battling with the plant. I gave her a pat awkwardly, tilting just to do that slight motion, and kept climbing up.

The roof opened up to reveal a window to the attic. I smiled, memories pouring back in, and shook my head free of them instantly.

I now held the puppy with both hands and hopped over to the next roof as silently as possible. I was not the most graceful kunoichi by far, but I had stripped my feet of shoes and they were as quiet as I could hopeful, although I slid with each leap. I began to focus my chakra into my feet, I had never learned how to do this correctly, and wished for the best. I grabbed hold of a clothes line with one arm, the other braced over Nikki. The clothesline shuddered briefly and then swung me over at a distance with which I could jump onto the next roof, my feet sticking to the wet surface. I could hear myself breathe in relief. Maybe I could get this chakra thing down if anything.

It wasn't long until I reached the Kage's Tower. I gulped and put the puppy down, hiding her under my cloak in another garbage can. I kissed the top of Nikki's head and gave her a last pat.

I began running as fast as I could in the direction of the tower.

There was something that I had a use for inside it, in one of the upper compartments. It shouldn't be too hard to get up the tower and navigate from there, since the ANBU were much too busy searching for _him_ to bother with a break-in, no one would be insane enough to perform such a feat during times like this.

I had reached the tower and began to apply chakra to my feet, running up the side of the tower with all the speed I could muster. The chakra carried me surprisingly fast and I jumped away from the feeling, crashing through a window unceremoniously.

"Fuck," I mumbled as an alarm went off; I dove for the door and threw myself through, tossing a kunai at the machine that had emitted the atrocious noise. The buzzing shut off immediately.

Upon reaching the room, my eyes scanned the perimeter nimbly. It was a library of sorts. I sighed, there were _lots_ of scrolls. "This is going to take longer than I thought. . . "

I began right away, going through nearly thirty scrolls, knocking dust off the shelves and causing me to cough repeatedly. My eyes began to water as the dust dried them up. The room had obviously been left unattended for a while, no doubt that the Tsuchikage was paranoid that someone would try to steal its secrets. I grinned, running a hand along the wall pointlessly.

A stone sunk into the side. I blinked as the stones began to rearrange themselves to create a passageway. It was a false wall. My jaw dropped and stared at it in wonder. Maybe the old bat was paranoid of someone finding _this_?

I shrugged to myself_. It doesn't matter, 'cause I found it_, I thought, giddy with the excitement of it.

I began down the halls; flambeaux lined either side of it. The passageway seemed endless. I turned right, then left, then right and ended up just where I had been.

I sighed hopelessly, the light was dwindling and the last of the candles flickered out with my large breath. I was encased by darkness, which was none too welcome in a place such as this one.

I swore, the words that my mother would kill me if she heard me say, and if she was alive, were echoed back eerily.

I heard someone else breathing, far away, and ran towards it. Maybe it was the way out? Or maybe I was digging an early grave, but I would find out soon enough. The thin hall I had chosen was a dead end. I groaned and began my way back, but something blocked my way. I bit my lip. Something was pressing me back against the wall.

"Interrupting me, _that's_ what you're doing here," there was a hiss in my ear.

My teeth clamped down harder on my lip and I felt it break the skin, the blood was now flowing from my mouth. I twisted in someone's grip and fought back against the person and the wall, but I was stuck.

I groaned. "Who are you?" I whispered as quietly as I could, squinting into the dark to make out the shape that pressed me to the wall. There was a low laugh, it rebounded off the walls and ceiling and sent shudders down my spine.

The person pressed their body to me and I gasped. Male. . .

"I don't believe I can tell you." His voice was strange, as if he was straining to keep something of great important from me, and it wasn't his name. Maybe it was a lisp? Something that would help me to identify him.

There was a long silence as we stood like that, his body pressing me against the jagged rocks that lay solidly in wall. The pressed against my back uncomfortably, making small incisions in my skin through rips in my shirt.

It was a tense, awkward silence. In which time filled with many gay babies. And then the pressure was gone, like it had never been there. I fumbled pointlessly in the dark, curving around a corner and down a passage. Light shown through a hole somewhere, but it had only been an hour at most since I had reached this place. It was a way out, or a way _in_.

I bounded toward it with all the energy I had in my bones, sliding to a halt in front of a door with metal bars covering the window that had led me there.

I slid my hand over the rusted knob of the door and pulled; it stuck but then swung open with a creak. I flinched at the noise, irrational and suspicious since the run-in.

A dim light glowed from a table just several feet from the door, and a scroll was rolled open over the entire table. I licked my lips and crept over to it cautiously. It was on some Kinjutsu, but not the forbidden jutsu that I was after.

There were more bookshelves pressed up along the walls, all covered with scrolls and cluttered to no end. I couldn't see where the shelves ended and the scrolls began. I dug through a pile in the far corner, shaking my head and pursing my lips with each one that I passed over.

Maybe this jutsu was a myth. It seemed likely. It was almost deadly to the user, but necessary, extremely necessary if I were to kill _him_.

I shook my head, I was just avoiding names. We had met before he killed my mother, in the marketplace, at the chunin exams, and I had watched him obliterate his opponent when he became a jonin. I had been devastated; it had been a boy I once knew. He lived down the street from us minutes before and then the next moment, he exploded. Bam! He was gone. Just like that. Just like Mom.

I snarled thinking about it. This jutsu better be here. I searched another pile of scrolls and then began to work on the shelves. The scrolls were dusty and some had holes in them, not large enough that one would misinterpret what was written, but large enough to annoy the hell out of me.

I sat down in a chair by the table and it screeched in mild protest. I ignored it and laid my head on my folded arms, closing my eyes briefly. My stomach growled. I was hungry, not just hungry though, I was ravenous. Blasphemy may have been the sin that was bound to my head, but I was a glutton at heart. Food was better than sex, even though I remain a virgin, it's just an expression.

The light on the table flickered and a shape settled before it. I peeked through a crack in my arms and saw who I had _least_ expected.

"Hey there, un," he said, smirking that horrid grin at me. I shuddered looking at him and thrust my face back in my arms.

_It's a dream._

_It's a treacherous dream._

_Your mind is playing ticks on you again. Ignore it, Joku, you can do it. It's not really him, you're just hungry and a little disoriented, you're imagining it._

"Oi! You okay?"

_It's not a fucking dream._

I fell backwards out of my seat and rolled over the broken stool, knocking down a bookshelf in the process.

It toppled over on me and the scrolls flooded my vision, I was pinned to the ground from the heavy wooden shelf. My heart was beating maniacally. I could feel, I could hear it in my chest. In my ears. It was as if someone had ripped it right out of my torso and pressed it against my ear.

I blinked back tears and tried hard to swallow the lump in my throat. It was him. He was here. He was the one who had trapped me against that wall. . . and he led me to this room.

Was he going to kill me?

_I am so fucked. So, so, so fucked._

The tears would have fallen if I had let them. It was almost a shock that I was scared. But I don't think I really was. I think it was just shock itself that made the tears swell.

It was so soon.

It was _too_ soon. I wasn't ready to fight him yet. I wouldn't stand a chance.

I croaked and tried to push the shelf off of me, straining my muscles. I gave up then, and let the scrolls roll back down over me.

I pressed my cheek to the floor, which I had just noticed was wooden. Splinters embedded in the side of my face, but I didn't care. It was oddly cold for all the pressure. I could have sworn pressure bred friction, which created heat.

Coolness flooded my body and I felt the shelf being pushed back up into its original position. I glared upwards into the eyes of the damned murderer, who ironically had just helped me. His eyes met mine, he had no expression on his face, but in my mind I could feel his smirk burning my eyes and my heart crush with hatred.

"I thought you left," I muttered as I pushed myself up, brushing dust from my clothes.

He just shrugged and sat down at the table.

"You killed my mom," I stated, fighting angry rage.

"So, hmm?" He didn't even look up at me. I felt the frenzy when I rose up in me and it felt like I had caught fire.

"What do you mean fucking 'so'?!" I yelled now, I was surprised at myself. I slammed my fist against the table next to his face. He looked up to stare at me, obvious annoyance in his eyes. That really got me going.

"I'm sorry, whatever, what the hell do you wanna hear, un?" he said calmly, but there wasn't any sorrow in his voice or on his face.

I grunted and turned back to the scrolls, which now rolled over themselves and over the floor. I picked several up and began to place them on the shelf.

He was silent.

I was silent.

There was nothing to be said. There was nothing to be heard.

I snatched up more scrolls and shoved them lazily onto the shelf, some rolled off and I let them, daring them to move any further.

They seemed to obey my stare, and they no longer moved. I lumbered over to where one had escaped to when the shelf had come crashing down on me.

I picked it up and grinned.

There was a seal on it, written in blood. I pressed my palm to it tenderly and felt it burn the skin there. I whispered words and the blood fell from the scroll, flowing like water down onto the floor. The seal burst open and a thin wisp of smoke rose.

I unrolled part of the scroll.

This was it.


	6. Chapter 6

I slid into a seat at the table, unrolling the scroll in my hands. I was nearly shivering with anticipation. There was a rustling of paper and I glanced up. Deidara sat at the table across from me. He raised his eyes and gave me a questioning look and then returned to his own scroll.

_Raikou: Chakra Tougyo_

I inhaled deeply as shivers ran through my body. And then I continued unfurling the scroll. There was a simple description as well as a grotesque warning on the effects the jutsu had on its users.

_The _Tougyo is a _conjuration of chakra which is concentrated to the surface of the vessel as a defense mechanism. Often causes the chakra to overtake its container, shutting down the organs and cutting through the body of the user. Its aftermath generally consists of ruptured organs or may result in the death of the individual._

I bit my lip hear and muffled a cry of shock.

_Once activated, the Tougyo may continue to consume the chakra of the user, leaving the user drained and weary. There is no way to deactivate the jutsu thus far. The Tougyo continues to travel through the chakra system of the user for the rest of his life. Once activated, the user may bring the shields up at will without the verbal command being emitted after the technique is mastered. Once the individual masters this procedure, the Tougyo and its devastating effects to the body may be controlled and subdued. _

_The Tougyo may be used to defend others, using the chakra to stretch a thin shield around those it currently protects. This, however, is exhausting for the user to maintain the steady flow of chakra and is quickly relinquished after several moments of deflecting physical attacks. The Tougyo is ineffective when against the effects of genjutsu._

And so it was a large risk to activate. Not at all complicated, however, but extremely hard to maintain at the price of one's life.

And here I was forced to make a decision.

Was it worth it?

My answer to that was yes. I would do anything to kill the abomination that currently occupied the seat across from me.

There was a sigh forced between his teeth and I glared up at him. He was shaking his head as he continued to unroll his scroll.

He caught my movement and matched my glare.

"What, hm?" he grunted.

I grinned wryly, asking, "Something disappointing?"

He wrinkled his nose and shrugged, returning his gaze to his scroll. "Only somewhat. How about you, un? Find anything appealing yet?"

"Actually, I have." I forced a smile as I spoke. "Extremely interesting. . ." I muttered softly, almost as if to myself.

"Ah, and what's that, hm?"

I laughed. "Like hell I'd care to share my finds with one such as you," I said, completely on my guard. I couldn't help but wonder where my aggression came from, as well as the formal speech pattern. Although I contributed the latter mostly to my dear friend, Kan, who always had a way with words when confronted with a horrible, living obstacle.

He snorted and returned to the scroll.

We sat still like that for a while, and then began trading insults.

I carried my scroll off to a corner to read and began to activate the forbidden jutsu. There wasn't much time to think about it, I had decided. Besides, I still needed to get Nikki. I hoped she was still carefully tucked away.

"Raikou: Chakra Tougyo," I said quietly but confidently, reading the heading of the scroll. There was a glow around me.

And then I screamed.

There was a sharp pain in my stomach that erupted to the other parts of my body. My chakra was no doubt swirling around inside me, trying to find a way out through my pores and devastating my body with extreme pain.

I gasped as I fell back against a shelf. There was thud. I could hear my heart beat steadily, and then it slowed in a small range of time, and then raced back up, faster than normal. Like an animal, running from poachers.

My stomach kept clenching, releasing the chakra through my body, evenly distributing it to my limbs. I screamed in pain. Small stabbing sensations filled my body, prodding from the inside. I could feel it all over, trying to break through my skin and squeeze through all of my pores.

I thrashed on the floor violently. There were quick, even footsteps my way.

My breathing was like my heart, racing, slowing, changing its pace constantly, undecided in every way. I screamed as a hand covered my mouth. Pain was all I could feel. A hand ruffled the paper of my scroll. I clutched it possessively to my chest, but my muscles were weakened with the pain and it was easily pried from my grasp. Through tear-filled eyes, I could see Deidara shake his head in disgust.

With himself, with vermin like me.

I choked behind his hand. Something had licked the corner of my lip. My breathing was slowing. I could feel my body giving into the pain. My muscles clenched painfully and then eased. My head was throbbing; I could feel the enormous headache that laced my brain. I could feel my stomach's uneasiness. I could feel my whole body.

I began to vomit. I was filled with excruciating agony. My limbs twisted violently in Deidara's grasp. My thought process was unstable and my words came in uneven gasps.

I felt him grasped my arm, his muscles clenched over my thin arm. I screamed in anguish. It normally wouldn't have hurt, but this pain was killing me. I felt my life form being forced from me; I felt it being cut painfully as the chakra enveloped me.

I raised my eyes to glare at the man who held me tightly in his grasp. Was he trying to kill me? His hand which had been held to my mouth lowered down to my throat and he clasped it in his fingers, fidgeting to pull me into his lap and forcing my head back against the solid stone wall.

It was cold and hot and painful. I could feel my insides burn but my skin was freezing. I shivered and twitched in his lap. I couldn't get away from him. His grasp was too firm and I was too weak to move.

Then the sobs came. They racked my body and I was thrust painfully away from the man who held me. There was anger and hatred mixed into his blue eyes.

My face was red and contorted with agony. My heart thumped and then shuddered to a sudden stop. His hand found a pressure point on the back of my neck. Blackness was edging into the corners of my vision. The pain was fading. Maybe I was dying? Maybe my chakra had overtaken my body and I was giving it all away. I tried frantically to push him away, but my arms were like lead and rendered useless. My mouth tried to form words but nothing came out but a choking noise. I was losing the full use of my brain and my thoughts were a jumbled mess. My memories caved in and I looked up at his face.

The last thing I saw before my vision was completely blackened. And I was filled with the memory of my mother's death again. I gasped and clutched his fishnet shirt angrily. I was made a savage with rage. My hands found his throat blindly and I began to choke. They were easily pried away and I was pushed off onto the floor. It may have been gently, but it felt as if I had been thrown mercilessly against a wall. It felt like my bones were crushed. But they weren't. I was feverish when I fainted against the wall. The stones cooled me little by little. There was a sigh and then everything around me faded to black and then white, and then there was nothing all over again.

_____

Deidara stood up and pressed a hand to the girl's forehead. It burned against it and then began to cool. She had struggled a long time and he had wrestled her to a calm state. Now she lay on the floor unconscious. He sighed inwardly.

"Same girl, huh?" he muttered to himself and shook his head. "Unfortunate, actually, un."

He pressed a finger to a small bruise that was beginning to form on his neck due to her choking clutch.

She had been stronger than he had anticipated. Easily taken over, but stronger than what the weak frame gave off.

He lifted her hand and grinned. _How interesting. . ._

What he assumed was chakra was lacing the holes in her palms like a spider's web. Skin began to re-grow where it had once been. A dark scar took shape in the form of a diamond. Like the tip of the kunai he had used to push through the muscle.

Then he looked at his own hands and grinned. The mouths' teeth had begun to grow sharper and they now effectively applied the chakra in equal stitches to his masterpieces, efficient with chakra use and twice as beautiful with the work they represented. He couldn't help but grin with satisfaction.

He snorted and kicked his foot lightly against the girl's head. Her head bobbed lightly against his toes and lolled over his foot, her face turned up towards his.

A thin sliver of a scar ran over her forehead. He bent and ran a finger over it without thinking, sitting there with the unconscious girl.

"Joku, hm?" he muttered. "Why 'disgrace'?"

She was normal enough. Her hair was medium-long hair and dark brown, tinted with just a little bit of sun at the top of her scalp, indicating she was outdoors quite a bit. Her eyes, which were now closed, were a slightly slanted almond shape. He blinked and raised one eyelid carefully, they had a strange color. A very light shade of brown, amber maybe, with dark flecks by the pupils. She had high cheek bones and her jaw seemed to be set in either a laugh of amusement or a frown of protest, which extended to the set line of her lips. Her eyebrows were curved and her nose was thin. He guessed that she had an even complexion before her little incident, which had rendered her skin a sickly pale, clammy looking color. She wasn't _ugly_, exactly. She was decent looking at best, possibly bordering on pretty.

Deidara had high expectations. He fought the grin from his face as his eyes fastened on other parts of her body. His eyes trailed from the sinewy, thin muscles of her arms and shoulders to her breasts.

He heaved a sigh and stood, dusting off his pants. He made his way back to the table, studying the scrolls contents and running a finger over the sanded wood, making spiral motions over the knots carelessly.

His feet kicked at the floor. He was jumpy now that such a noise had arisen. Maybe it would have been best to kill her the first time. He couldn't push that thought away. Maybe it wasn't too late?

He glanced over at the girl and sighed. No, the village would have his head if he killed any more of its occupants. Ōnoki had made that clear after the little feud in the streets. He had also publicly expressed his remorse of losing one of his best bodyguards. Deidara had shrugged, his sister would enjoy the position and the attention she got with it. Kurotsuchi was probably one year or two older than the girl. His gaze dropped to the floor.

What did it matter that he killed her mother?

She would get over it. Maybe come after him if she was brave enough. And when she did, he would kill her. If he killed her now, he'd get an earful at most from the Tsuchikage, as Ōnoki was quite fond of him. It would also save Deidara the trouble of having some little brat on his trail. But was killing her worth it at this point? He doubted it. She'd be a pest later, but no harder to kill than a mosquito. Iwagakure would hardly mourn the loss of such a pathetic kunoichi.

She was genin, maybe chunin at best. He sized her up. She was short and pale and thin. Her hair was dirty. She was probably the girl who had escaped from the hospital earlier. Broken a window or something in the process. Not a hard feat for someone like Deidara, but possibly for a low-ranking shinobi.

He thought about it. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have someone trailing after him? He could fuck around with her head a few times. She would know all the news about what was going on in Iwa. Maybe he could feed her false information to take back to them and the other countries. Not that Iwagakure mattered, Ōnoki had already stated it was Deidara's choice whether he wanted to leave or stay and if he did want to stay in a situation where he felt controlled; he should leave.

"No point in staying in a place where you're miserable," the old man had grumbled when Deidara had left his office.

The wizened man had divulged his dislike of being the Tsuchikage at such an age, but he claimed no one was fit for the job other than Deidara himself, who refused immediately at the implication. The old guy had grunted but never brought up the subject again, supposedly forgetting about that conversation.

Deidara shook himself back to attentiveness. His scroll had fallen to the floor with a clack and a thud. He stooped from his chair to pick it up and continued to read, memorizing the every word. Or trying to.

His thoughts often strayed to the little nuisance in the corner.

What exactly would he do about her? Surely he couldn't keep her as a comrade, she had already let on that she would attempt to kill him. Or close enough. The anger in her voice had betrayed her.

He closed his eyes, crossing his arms in thought, and grumbled inconsistently to himself. Annoying bitch. . .

There was a creak as the door swung open behind him. He spun to face the intruder, but the doorway was empty. He licked his lips nervously and turned back to the heap in the corner.

"And so it seems I've found you."

Deidara's ears perked at the familiar voice.


End file.
